


Poison

by Aziraphalessushi



Category: Welcome to Night Vale, wtnv
Genre: Gen, Hurt Kevin, I made up like half this, Limited knowledge of Kevin but just trust me, Night Vale had a war, Pre Strex Kevin, Revolution, at least that’s my theory, but they lost, just run with it, so Desert Bluffs must have had one too, was inspired by OOD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2019-11-26
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:41:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21572398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aziraphalessushi/pseuds/Aziraphalessushi
Summary: The battle with Strex rages on. Desert Bluffs are growing weary. Night Vale is only giving them radio silence.Kevin starts another broadcast, and Strex is not happy.(I know this sounds sucky but give it a chance)
Relationships: Kevin & Desert Bluffs
Kudos: 7





	Poison

**Author's Note:**

> This is a total crack fic inspired by Kevin’s line in ood about how ‘even the most stubborn of radio show hosts eventually saw the light’ or something like that.
> 
> Enjoy!

“Anything they say is poison. Don’t listen. Don’t.

Welcome to Desert Bluffs.

“Kevin here! Another day, another part of our little town claimed by Strex. I’m sitting huddled in a corner, behind a door with signs such as “Keep out!” and “Secret room!”, so it should hold them for a while. 

“I don’t know how long. I hope a day, maybe two. The drugged up workers are too polite to come in, but sooner or later they will come. Like I said- it hope it is a day or two. But hope is a dangerous thing, Desert Bluffs. Kindness is too. After all, those two things got Strex a place here in the first place. Kindness is evil.

“Desert Bluffs, Strex is not happy that I’ve been broadcasting. They are also not happy I’m using my eye to spy. Oh, Desert Bluffs, they are not happy at all.

“Funny, I thought Strex was all about the positive side of life. Huh. I mean, there is a bright side to this. I’m not spying, I’m simply gathering information for the remaining Desert Bluffs! No need to get so mad... and really, is that type of language acceptable?

“Speaking of the remaining Desert Bluffs who still listen to my show, I apologize for the lack of music, or the bumps of Station Management next door. The little creatures who make the music, along with our favorite songs, fled as soon as the light showed. I know not of where they are, nor their fate. Sorry. They were just so cute with their black, soulless eyes and sharp backs that would slice your hand open when you tried to pet them-so cute! Unfortunately, Strex’s blood obsession does not bode well for them.

“Speaking of which, if your neighbor becomes obsessed with blood, chances are that they have fallen to Strex. Other questions to ask are: Have they become a lot happier? Do they take little pink pills with smiley faces on them? Do they act weird when asked about these pills? Do they get higher tax returns? 

“If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, it’s too late. They are coming for you next. You can try and run. 

It won’t do a thing.

“On the other hand, if you answered no to these questions, congrats! They’ll come for you next. 

“Now, a brief look at our community calendar. Monday, we have a battle against Strex. Tuesday, we have a battle against Strex. Wednesday, we will try and break everyone out of the company picnic. Thursday, Strex will storm the old opera house and use it as a base of operations. Friday, we will try and contact our neighbors at Night Vale. Saturday, we have a battle against Strex. Sunday, well, I’d tell you, but that would be spoilers, now wouldn’t it?

“That was a brief look at our community calendar. 

“Oh, Desert Bluffs, Vanessa is here! I thought she fell for Strex ages ago! Hello, Vanessa! Mh, mn. Okay. Yeah, I see. Desert Bluffs, Vanessa is using British Sign Language to communicate that Strex had taken the mayors stand as she was making a press conference, or what she called a press conference, but never told anyone about so one one ever showed up. Vanessa, having now switched to American Sign Language, says that their statement was brief. 

“One second, Desert Bluffs, she’s finger spelling. T-H-E-Y-W-A-N-E-T-H-E-S-T-A-T-I-O-N. They wane the station? Oh no, sorry. They want the station. Wait, this station?

“Desert Bluffs, Vanessa is frantically nodding. Uh oh. Desert Bluffs, they can’t take this station! How else will I be able to talk to you? I didn’t survive this ridiculously high intern death rate for nothing! Van-Vanessa? Desert Bluffs, Vanessa has disappeared, just like the little things that make the music. She simply...disappeared. Oh, do stay safe, Vanessa. Wherever, whenever you are please stay safe. I can’t loose you too.

“This is normally when I’d play the weather. However, and I’m sure you know the reason why, I cannot. For one, the pokey little creatures who create the weather have vanished, and for two, Strex put a ban on all weather forecasts. I may have gotten this through, but they are way stricter about that. 

“One pokey creature that I was particularly fond of, his name was Jhonad, fled the instant the light of the ‘Smiling God’ came. Side note, Desert Bluffs, how ridiculous is that. ‘Smiling God’, pft. Like Christianity on steroids. ‘Smiling God’. Even though angles don’t legally exist, some form of God might.

“Desert Bluffs. I heard a noise. Behind my barricade. It’s Strex. May the angry God shine down upon me. I-You’ll never get this station!”

A thump.

A scuffle.

A scream.

Footsteps.

“Our words may be poison, but a little poison never hurt anybody. 

“Welcome to Desert Bluffs. 

“Kevin here! It is a glorious day, and I am proud to announce that I have seen the true light of the smiling god, and am now a proud member of the Strex community.

“Now, I’d like to offer many, many corrections. First off...”


End file.
